


Panurgic

by kivanne



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Chloe misses him, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Chloe Decker, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Lucifer is the King of Hell, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Season 4, So obviously, There might be spoilers, english is not my first language but i'm trying okay, yeah great so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-03-01 03:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18791731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kivanne/pseuds/kivanne
Summary: panurgic - ready or able to do anythingLucifer and Chloe went through much more than anyone could imagine.He came back to Hell for her. He wanted to make sure that she was safe. He didn't think, though, that the cruel world of the condemned might turn his heart into a stone again.She was willing to sacrifice everything for him. Her job, her sanity, finally her life. And when she realised that what she feels for the Devil is not only sympathy, she knew that she would do everything to get him back.





	1. introduction

Hell is not just a place where condemned souls go.

Hell is primarily a state of the soul. Terrifying loneliness, fear and lack of hope for a better tomorrow. It's a rejection of love, fondness and humanity.  
The ruler of Hell must be heavy-handed and get rid of mercy. He has to look at the same grey space at all times, listen to the screams and prayers of tormended sinners. He must forget about warmth which explodes in his chest every time his beloved person is close, about tenderness of her voice greeting him in the morning, about joyful bird music and the most affectionate touch which never means to cause pain. He should, however, engrave in his memory that hope and dreams are foolish, because there will be no tomorrow in Hell. Time doesn't exist, and the only reality is solitude and misery, to which you must get used. 

Getting rid of humanity is possible. It is harder, though, if you have tasted forgiveness, acceptance and love. 

But when nothing is waiting around the corner, and the King spends every moment on a stone throne, his heart finally becomes empty and adjusts to the conditions, trying to protect itself from the pain. 

Because there is only one method to run away from suffering. You have to become its embodiment, you have to keep your head up and repeat that you will never feel anything again. Otherwise, unbearable pain will overpower you to the extent when the tears won't even fall down. You will drown in despair. 

The King of Hell knows about that. And that's why he becomes the definition of agony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!!
> 
> I just wanted to point out that English is not my mother language (I'm Polish). I think that it's obvious because this prologue surely isn't perfect, but I've been dying to write a story in English for a very long time. So if you see any mistakes here, please tell me! I'm still learning and I'm quite insecure about it. Every piece of advice means a lot to me.


	2. one

Looking at her hurt so much because he had already made his mind. 

Still, she came, appeared right in front of him, flawless as always.

Bloody hell, how much he loved when she had her hair loose. 

This, however, was not the right time for admiration of her beauty, even though it was hard to restrain. Now he had to say these awful words. _He had to walk away. He had to say goodbye._

He regretted that he never had the chance to tell her how much she meant to him. How much she changed him and made being vurnerable not scary at all.  
Well, at least being vurnerable to physical damage, because the one he was experiencing right then was way harded to bear. And yes, it scared him very much. 

He was afraid of the possibility of spending eternity on his own, without his beloved woman, without his soulmate. 

"Please, don't go," she said quietly with tears streaming down her face. "Don't go, I love you."

Something inside him died.

He had wanted to hear these words from Chloe since the moment he understood that he was madly in love with her. They never could have been together, something has always stood in their way, the universe couldn't afford to give them more happy moments. Now she was standing in front of him, defenceless, and he felt exactly the same. And even then, he couldn't enjoy this moment. 

"My first love was never Eve," he responded, smiling sadly. He touched her cheek gently and titled his head to the side. He wanted to comfort her, hold her in his arms, make her smile. “It was you.”

They've never had a chance to celebrate their love. Moments of happiness had been cruelly taken from them, even though they wanted to delay the inevitable so much. 

He leaned down to her and kissed her for the last time. He wanted to remember this well, how he held her close and felt like he could protect her from all the evil in this world...

He was, however, the creator of evil, so he pulled away from Chloe with pain in his chest. 

"Please, don't go," she repeated but it was too late, because the decision had already been made. And he couldn't change it.

 _This is the only way,_ he reminded himself. _The only way to protect her, the only way for her to live a happy life... By the side of somebody who will love her, one day. Because how could anyone feel anything different in her presence? Maybe he could love her even harder than I do?_

Deep inside he knew that all of it wasn't true, because nobody could love Chloe more than him. He loved her with every cell of his body and he couldn't think straight when she was less than six feet away from him. He always searched for her face in big crowds and once almost caused a car accident because he could smell her perfume on the street. Chloe was an inseparable part of him. The touch of her fingers has burnt permanent scars underneath his skin. 

"Goodbye" he said and spread his stunning wings. They were white again... He gave her one last look and flew away, disappearing in the darkness of the night.

 

*

 

Now, when he ossified from cold, and his body doesn’t feel pain anymore, he manages not to think about her. He pushed the picture of her into the farthest corner of his memory and desperately tried to forget her name. He couldn’t do that, though, but he swore to himself that he would never, even in his mind, dare to say it. 

He treats this promise very seriously. 

As a ruler, he is ruthless. He steps down to the lowest layer of Hell and solves problems by himself as soon as he notices any abnormalities. His eyes burn with anger which Chloe has never experienced from him.

Sometimes when a faint memory of her goes through his mind, he reminds himself that she wouldn’t be able to love him anymore. She would be afraid of him, his severity and atrocity. He could never show up next to her like this. If he saw fear in her eyes once more, his heart would never be able to work properly again. 

The moment of breakdown has finally reached him, though. And that’s how Hell becomes a witness of something unusual: Lucifer is sitting on a high throne and this time isn’t looking into space with anger in his eyes. They express something else now, they ere squinted and tears ere streaming down from them. They fall down on the ground and in the places where they land, ground stops burning for a short moment. 

"If you don’t stop crying like that, Hell will soon turn into a lea” says a voice behind him. Lucifer jumps and turns over instantly, in reaction to the familiar voice. “And before you know it, dozens of bunnies will be hopping around. 

He opens his eyes widely and smiles for the first time since he came back to his Kingdom. “Maze!”

The brunette smiles back and shrugs. “I thought that maybe you could use some company.”

Lucifer stands up and stops in front of her. He tries to pretend that nothing happened a moment before, but Maze is staring at him with her piercing eyes and the Devil knows that he could never hide anything from her. 

“Earth was sad without you,” she says after a while and hides her knife into a pocket. “I couldn’t stay alone much longer. I had nobody to talk to anyway, and people close to me... Well. It wasn’t the same since you left."

He frowns and shakes his head with incomprehension on his face. “What does that mean?”

"I can’t stand Decker...” she explains while Lucifer turns his head away and bites the inside of his cheek. Damn it, so much effort... All in vain. Mazikeen simply shows up whenever she pleases and destroys everything. Says her name barefacedly... Without feelings, without pathos, as if she didn’t understand just how much this woman means to him. “She’s never stopped thinking about you. She's been walking around like a ghost since you left, she doesn’t want to hear about other men. She doesn’t even work like before. It reflects on her kid too... And to top it all off, Trixie is in the rebellious phase right now,” Maze smiles a little. “I couldn’t get to her and...”

But Lucifer isn’t listening to her anymore. 

_Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe_

He’s desperately trying to convince himself that Maze is lying, that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, because if it’s true and the Detective still loves him, he can’t know about it. It would give him hope. For Dad’s sake, he has spent all of his stay in Hell on explaining to himself that hope doesn’t have the right to exist. 

"So?” Mazikeen tears him out of trance. Lucifer looks at her and takes a deep breath. He doesn’t answer for a long while. “You weren’t listening, were you?”

Lucifer shakes his head weakly. 

“I asked whether you wanted to come back to the Earth with me. To Chloe” she says in a soft voice, but Lucifer can’t stand it anymore.

“Stop saying her name!” he screams, feeling burning sparks dancing on his skin. “You do it so carelessly! You speak of her as if she was just one of the billions of people in the world and that’s not how it is! Chloe is so much more important and...” he stops for a moment, then pinches his nose and takes another deep breath. “You don’t have the right to talk about her in such a meaningless way.”

Maze looks at him with care, tears shining in her eyes. Never before has she seen Lucifer so broken. He used to hide his more vurnerable side, but now... Now he’s in true despair and he doesn’t even have the strength to do so...

"You love her” she whispers, touching his arm gently. “And she loves you too.”

Lucifer laughs humorlessly and shakes her hand off. “I’m not the important one. Only she and her safety matters to me, as well as Charlie’s... Detective will stop loving me one day. She will find somebody else. A person not as problematic as me, someone who will take care of her.

Maze sighs quietly. “No one else will ever take such good care of her” she reminds him, even though the Devil tries to push this truth away. “Damn it, Lucifer, you went to Hell for this girl! Nobody else could love her that much. Besides... she won’t find another guy. Believe me.”

“She just needs time.”

Maze takes her hand away and looks at him, confused. “It’s been three years.”

The Devil stares at her again and clenches his jaw. 

“And she’s still waiting for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves!!
> 
> this chapter was really hard for me to translate as I'm not sure how dialogues should be written in English. also, my grammar sucks so it would be really nice if you pointed out my mistakes!!
> 
> and thank you so much for the reaction under the first part, I'm honestly blown away by it! I wasn't expecting so many comments!
> 
> love you, N.


	3. two

Lucifer walks though narrow alleys and puts his hands into pockets, when suddenly Maze speeds up and appears by his side. "Where did this bloody grass come from?" he asks, irritated, and tramples the clump angrily.

Maze still looks at him anxiously and sighs. "I told you that this place would soon become a lea. Grass grows only in this spot, and it's grown from your tears..."

"These weren't tears, Maze!" Lucifer screams and looks at her with a menacing glare. 

"Okay, well, what was it, then?" she asks and smiles slightly, waiting for his answer with satisfaction. She knows that she's going to win this battle. 

Lucifer stares at her for a moment and shakes his head, laughing lightly. "It's preposterous. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"All right," she replies and slowly moves forward. "Where are we going, again?"

"Nowhere," he snorts and brushes invisible dust off his jacket. "I've told you clearly that you have to back off and find yourself a new hobby instead of following me like a child."

If that is supposed to hurt her, it almost definitely doesn't work out. "You're upset because I tell you the truth. And you know damn well that you should listen to me."

Lucifer turns his body towards her and clenches his jaw, barely keeping his Devil face in check. "Leave me alone or I'll make you."

Maze stares back at him and crosses her arms. "I understand that all of this is hard for you, but you could at least talk to me normally."

"Stop acting like my therapist."

"Oh, so now she's your therapist, not Linda? She's lost her name during your stay here?" Maze raises her voice and steps away from him. "You're pathetic. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and simply accept help, especially when it's coming all the way down to you."

The girl walks away and disappears behind the corner, leaving Lucifer speechless. 

_Exactly!_ he thinks, not moving even an inch. _How did she get here?_

He tries not to think about it, though, because he's furious and he has to somehow get rid of all the bad emotion. And he knows a perfect way to do that. 

He pushes the heavy door and suddenly finds himself in a beautiful bright hall. He's surrounded by lavisly set tables. There are all kinds of dishes from all around the world, everything smells and looks spectacular. For a second, Lucifer has an impression that he's on a sumptuous party.

After a while he hears rapid steps and grins ominously. Then, he turns to the sound's direction. 

"Lucifer!" Malcolm exclaims and rushes towards him. "Old friend, long time no see!"

Lucifer laughs and raises his brow. "Right?"

The man nods and stares at him with teary eyes. "All of this is so terrible, Lucifer, please... I will do anything, just..." he stumbles over his own words, glancing towards delicious looking food. 

"Don't you fancy the hall?" Lucifer asks, seeming concerned. "I designed it for you by myself. I've introduced a couple of changes since I came back to Hell."

"The hall is beautiful! But... the food..."

"What's wrong with the food?" he inquires and comes close to one of the tables. He takes a piece of baklava off the plate and puts it in his mouth, smiling after a moment. It's perfectly sweet and appetizing. 

Malcolm stares at him with his eyes wide open as if he couldn't believe his luck. He is by the table almost immediately and he starts to gorge himself on savoury Thai curry. 

Lucifer's eyes switch to red while watching Graham eating with such great appetite. He smiles when his spoon lands on the tiled floor with a loud clatter. "Something wrong?"

Lucifer, though, is well aware what is wrong, because the food rots in a flash in Malcolm's mouth. And when the Devil feels particularly inspired, vermin appears in it too. The delicious dishes have one more feature - Graham can't spit them out, so he writhes on the floor, trying not to suffocate. 

Not like it would change anything... He can't die any more. 

He puts his hands in his pockets again and comes closer, nudging the man's side with his polished shoe. "You make it seem as if you didn't like it. You were so hungry, Graham! You haven't eaten a decent meal since you got here, am I right? How many hundreds of years will that be?"

The man looks at him from the ground, tears streaming down his face. Lucifer leans down and drops his ironic grin, this time only giving Malcolm an angry glare. "There is no escape. You are going to suffer here forever, and if you ever try to satisfy this horrible hunger, the consequences will be much worse. Maybe you came here because of a good deal of sins, but only one of them really matters to me: you tried to kill the Detective. And I can guarantee that all of my subordinate demons will always remember about this fact."

He straightens up with grace and goes through the door, ignoring Malcolm's muffled screams and groans of pain. 

Just what he needed... He slams the door shut behind him and his eyes come back to normal.

 

  
*

 

"Mom, can I sleep at Claire's tonight?"

Chloe sits on a couch, with messy hair and no make-up. She stares blankly at her TV, signs of fatigue visible on her face. "Sure."

Trixie frowns, under the impression that her mother isn't listening to her at all. "Patrick will be there."

"Mhm."

"He's going to bring pot."

"Cool." Chloe replies and finally looks at Trixie, because she stands in front of her with an annoyed look on her face.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Chloe sighs and hides her face in her hands, shaking her head slightly. "I'm so sorry, Trixie." she says, not able to articulate anything more. 

The girl sits beside her and hugs her gently. She wants to comfort her mom somehow, but she can't, because Chloe has been like this...

Well. Trixie can't remember the time when she wasn't like this. 

Of course, there are worse and better days. Sometimes she doesn't even look hurt, she is faultless both as a detective and a parent. She takes Trixie to see many places, they spend all weekends together and they still are best friends. Something's changed, though, because when the evening comes, you can see longing in Chloe's eyes. Longing for something distant, something that may not exist anymore. 

However, she isn't aware of everything. She doesn't know how much Chloe had to go through to get used to the truth. 

And the most important thing is, only Chloe knows how it feels to be loved by the Devil. She felt the safest with him and that's what she misses the most. Lucifer has never lied to her, he was always by her side and he was capable of anything if it meant a good life for Chloe.

Devil's love sounds like an oxymoron but the reality is so much different. Chloe had to go a long way in order to understand that Lucifer is truly an angel. And when it finally got to her, his feelings wrapped her in warmth. He's always treated her with care and tenderness, he's never taken an advantage of her even though he's had several chances to do so. He loved her unconditionally. 

Tears fall down from her eyes and Trixie looks at her with sympathy. "Mommy, I know that he vanished three years ago... But maybe you should go and look for him if you still miss him? Nobody disappears into thin air."

Chloe laughs sadly and shakes her head. She knows where Lucifer is! The sad part is, she might never see him again...

"Don't worry about me, honey," she says, wiping the tears away and looking at Trixie with a gentle smile. "Go see your friends. No stupid ideas, though, okay?" she asks. Her daughter nods and comes off the sofa. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" she queries once more and Chloe confirms, even though it's a lie. The girl leaves the living room to pack her bags.

Chloe thinks about what she's just said for a moment. _Nobody disappears into thin air..._ Maybe not everything's lost yet? Maybe there is a way to take the whole thing back?  
And when Trixie waves her goodbye, Chloe's finger still roams over Amenadiel's phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!  
> I know it's been a while since I posted, I've been very busy with work lately.  
> Hope you liked the chapter!


	4. three

Lucifer is tired of Maze's presence. 

She reminds him about everything that he tried to forget. He can't help but look for her face... 

No. He won't allow himself to think about her any longer.

It's all in the past. He cannot let himself be mundane and weak, he has to muster up and regain self-respect for his efforts. He didn't resign from love only to feel it again now. 

But even while sitting on his throny high up in the air, one more person is poisoning his mind with memories about Chloe. 

"Titivillus!" he calls one of his demons and clenches his jaw when its beastly and distorted face appears right in front of him. 

"My Lord..." the monster says quietly and kneels down, bowing its head slightly out of respect. 

"I want you to find Malcolm Graham and make him shut up. I can hear his pathetic screams all the time." Lucifer shakes his head, staring into the distance above the demon's shoulders. "I've got a headache because of that." 

"Of course, my Lord." it answers quickly and disappears immediately. A short moment passes and Malcolm's screams for mercy die out.  
Titivillus is amazingly potent. 

And there he is, surrounded by frightening silence again. He can't even remember when Hell was quiet to this extent. If his heart worked properly, he would probably be able to hear its beat. 

Here in Hell, though, it is only a superfluous addition, so it's best to simply turn it off and forget about its existence. 

Lucifer closes his eyes and titls his head back, dreaming only about a good rest. Oh, how long it's been since he slept well... He wants to detach himself from reality, even if nightmares are to torment him. He can imagine nothing worse than separation from his love. Nothing can scare him anymore. 

And the longer he stays in the silent area, the more clearly he can hear a distant whisper. 

He opens his eyes abruptly and frowns. He peeks into the distance with mistrust and slowly leans forward, clenching his hands on the hard armrests. 

It seems to him that he knows this voice, even though it's barely audible. He steps down from the throne and places his foot where the floor should be. Actually, an abyss is there, but he can't care less. 

He doesn't fall down because being the King of Hell must have some advantages, right?

He straightens up slowly and follows the voice which doesn't seem to be louder at all. It fades away instead and Lucifer starts to panic, he doesn't want to... He cannot lose it.

He runs as fast as he can and almost trips over his own legs. He roams through labyrinths of smoke and dust even when his surroundings become much colder. He moves away from the hellfire.

When he recognizes the quiet voice, he instantly drops to his knees, looking into the shadows with despair. 

The Detective. Chloe. 

"...and if you can hear me, please, come back to me, Lucifer. I love you and I can't go on without you." she says while the Devil hides the tears behind his hands, shaking his head desperately. "Should you say amen at the end of the prayer to the Devil?" she laughes, but it's a very sad laugh, and Lucifer can't help but snort with amusement. "You would surely start making fun of me now... Lucifer, you don't even know how much I want you to be here know and make fun of me."

He can't listen to this any more. He stands up and tries to get away from her on wobbly legs, but he only hears her voice louder and louder. He hears her pray even when he starts to run as fast as possible.

"And please forgive me for stealing one of your suits, it's probably worth a fortune. But don't worry about it, it's safe in my wardrobe in a special suit cover and I only pull it out sometimes so that I can hug it for a moment."

"Maze..." Lucifer whispers and looks around nervously, looking for a way out through the smoke. "Make! Mazikeen! Where are you?" he shouts, running with Chloe's picture looming in front of him. 

Her warm eyes. Beautiful lips. Fair hair falling down on her forehead when she finally takes that damn elastic off of them. 

"Maze!" he calls again but is suddenly caught off guard when somebody's hands clunch on his shoulders. 

"What the fuck is happening?" she asks, holding onto him tightly.

"She stopped," he whispers and runs his hand through his hair, tugging at it unconsciously. "I cannot hear her. She stopped." he repeats and Maze looks at him as if he went mad; she understands nothing. "You must come back to the Earth. You have to be there and tell her that she needs to stop praying to me, do you understand? She has to stop talking to me! I can't stand it, I can't stand the sound of her voice!" he's speaking firmly now, shaking Maze's body. "I'm not her deity to worship! You have to tell her immediately, I'm begging you, Maze..."

Mazikeen shakes her hear and looks at him with sadness. "You know damn well that I'm unable to leave Hell on my own. Somebody has to take me" she explains calmly while Lucifer lets go of her and turns around. 

"So go and fucking possess somebody!" he yells and Maze flinches, because Lucifer never uses swear words. "You are a demon, you can do that!"

"You've banned possession" she reminds him and tilts her head to the side. 

"I've also banned myself from thinking about Chloe and I'm not able to do that since I can hear her damn prayers all the time!"

He doesn't even want to wait for an answer. He doesn't want to see her eyes full of sympathy. 

Pity is one of the few things he cannot endure. 

From this place it is easy to find the stone throne, so he sits in it and bangs his head hard against its back, trying to get away from racing thoughts.

"I am the Devil" he says to himself. His eyes burn with anger. "I am the Devil but the Detective seems to have forgotten about it. She can't love me." he murmurs and looks up, trying to come up with a quick plan. "I have to come back to the Earth and do something absolutely horrible. Make her hate me. Only then will she reject me and move on." he says and smiles to himself. "Maze! Maze!" he shouts and smiles even wider when she comes up to him. “You will take my place for a while. I have something important to do.”

Maze looks at him doubtfully and shakes her head. “Lucifer, wait! Before you do something stupid, tell me what you’re up to!”

Lucifer walks away and turns for a moment, staring at her blankly. “I’m going to ease the pain.”

Maze opens her mouth, but after a seconds she resigns; she doesn’t even know what to say to him. 

"I will release myself and the Detective,” he continues, his eyes glistening with red again. “and you must stay here, not for a long time. You’re the only one I can trust, Maze.”

The girl can only nod and sit on Lucifer’s throne hesistantly.

And when he goes through the gates of Hell, tears are shining in his eyes instead of angry sparks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took so long! I've been suffering from the writer's block for some time and I'm not really proud of this chapter, but I hope it's enough. Have a great day, guys!


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